A little over a week ago a friend asked/demanded I go see a comedian with her that the school had brought. Afterward an old man, as he was leaving, walks by us, looks at me and says, “You’re a serious one aren’t you.” I didn’t even know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not due to the fact that I had been cracking up with my friend the entire time I was there. My friend and I both laughed and I was like oh yeah, real serious! However, he then said, “No seriously, it takes a lot to make you laugh.” I looked at him and said, I’m not sure what your trying to say but he repeated that he was being serious he really wasn’t making fun of me.
Typically I do not talk to men I barely know and I especially don’t talk to men I don’t know but I felt like I knew this man from somewhere and as we got into a conversation, I asked him if he was a teacher at the school or something and he said no he was the limo driver for the comedian and had just moved to Tampa four years ago. By this point I was completely confused as to why we were talking because although I thought he was familiar, he wasn’t and why, among everyone else that was in the auditorium did he start talking to me.
My parents always warned me about strange men trying to lure girls away but it wasn’t like that we stayed in the doorway talking and he didn’t try going any further. He once again mentioned that I had a lot of focus and how that was really good. He warned me not to let other things get in the way of my focus and goals and to not “f* up” by doing stupid things.
I sometimes wonder if God still tries to speak in modern days. I know one time he did to me on my mother’s behalf through a lady in the soup kitchen but, what about this man? Did God move him to tell me to stay focused? At a time when I was completely relaxed and open for once? I mean if so it did come at a good time; its advice that has been ringing in my head ever since. At the same time I am still so confused. Why me? What was he trying to say about being serious? Why did he say to stay focused? How did he know? Was it just an old man being an old man?
My friend I was with thought we knew each other and was shocked to find out afterward I had no idea who the man was. While building set that night, I told a couple of the girls I was with what the man said and one looked at me and said you know God speaks in funny ways sometimes, maybe you should listen.
Its still mind boggling to think about. Just the timing of it all. And what exactly am I staying focused to achieve on top of everything else? Can I please have a road map? I felt like this man knew something I didn’t, like he had the GPS to my destination. Where exactly is my place in life? This morning I woke up and thought about changing the world; just by doing everything I can and not stopping until I can do nothing more. I quit asking how on the futuristic scale a while back and started looking at the now, although the future still boils on the back burner.
This past weekend we put on a musical called Behind the Scenes: A Real Fairytale. It uses classic fairytale songs combined with scripture and real life events from the lives of the cast. The responses we heard back from the audience were: it was challenging, funny and tear-jerking and it caused them to think. With our God given talents we changed the world- not the globe but the world we live in. Sometimes its easier to see than others but I felt that this is my mission right now; to just give all I have and help as much as I can.
At the same time, college comes with a lot of wide inviting roads with a lot of traps. Once again drinking is on the forefront of it all and it is ONLY by the strength of God that I have not given in. Not gonna lie, its really really difficult at times. I am a waitress at a Tavern where alcohol is offered to me a lot, I’m in a sorority where parties happen and I hang out with a bunch of people who like to drink and some who drink in order to get problems off of their mind or de-stress so basically I need only say the word and a cup would be in my hand. But something holds me back every time- a thought, a memory, a person and I stand steady. Right now I can use the excuse that I’m underage but in less than a year what will I say? I don’t want my life to be consumed by alcohol and the care free feeling it brings but in all honesty I want to be there with my friends. I use my head over my heart in practically every circumstance but what will happen when my head is no longer thinking straight? How much would alcohol affect my judgement? Its a struggle.
So in the midst of this battle, when a familiar seeming man walks up and says “don’t lose focus” and don’t “f* up” (and his word choice is beautiful because to f* up for me would be to give into drinking) how would you respond… Seriously God?! Such is my life, God likes to make sure I stay on track although where I’m headed is as good a guess as any because I’m still torn in the vocation department. I’m not in a rush though, there is still a lot to accomplish where I am and hopefully set this ball rolling so it can continue to make an impact; I mean, as long as I stay focused!
Don’t listen to them when they say, “You’re just a fool, Just a fool, To believe you can change the world.”
The worlds so big it could break your heart And you just wanna help But not sure where to start so you close your eyes; Send up a prayer into the dark.”
– CHANGE. by Carrie Underwood
