This one was unexpected, in a way.
Sr. Mary told me last week she would be leaving Villa at the end of the school year because her new assignment was teaching at the all girl’s high school up in Jersey. I just looked at her and listened when she told me the news. As it sunk in throughout the day i tried so hard to hold back the tears. She’s lived here for five years and i know its probably hard for her to say goodbye, i didn’t want to upset her. As soon as my dad picked me up though the tears came pouring down.
I immediately texted Amanda who was away at camp, but i knew she would help somehow. The only thing i said was Sr. Mary isn’t coming back next year, i didn’t have to say any more she knew how i was feeling. “Its going to be ok.” She said, “God has a plan.”
Yepp.. He does i know… that plan of which i don’t know. The grand plan bigger than myself. The Plan. God has a plan.
I went to bed as soon as i got home and ended up dreaming about Sr. Mary’s departure and Amanda’s words. God has a plan, it’s going to be ok. I promise.
My little brother woke me up for dinner and although i wasn’t hungry i knew i had to join the family. Afterwards i went for a bike ride to clear my head. I found some random lake in one of the back neighborhoods i’d never been to and sat out there a while praying about it.
I realized Sr. Mary came at a time when i seriously needed some moral guidance and support; i have been around her the past three years and although i don’t get to see her every day she has become my role model and ‘mentor.’
Every time i come home i try to convince my mom to stop by Villa so i can visit. Sr. Mary has become the adult who i can talk to about anything because she is so open even if it does have to do with my boyfriend, sorority life, drinking, or just my every day, she listens and although she doesn’t always have answers or a solution she gives me strength and encouragement which has helped so much within this first year of college to keep moving forward.
Of course the thing which everyone notices first is her Joy and that is what i am really going to miss the most. But as Sr. Clare told me today “Count your Blessings.”
Sitting by the lake i realized Sr. Mary has made such a huge impact in my life, one life, and obviously in many others lives at Villa, but i am back on my feet and i know i am where i need to be now. God’s plan. She has accomplished her work in my life– and soon she will be heading north to be with those girls and help them get back on their feet and guide them to know and love God. Bigger than me. So i have to let her go, i know she has more lives to touch and mountains to move and i want her to. I want other girls to know Sr. Mary and be able to count her as one of their many Blessings too.
I am so grateful God has given me such an awesome role model for these past three years, i wouldn’t be where i am if He hadn’t and that really isn’t exaggerating the truth. Although i have known for almost a week now i still cry when i have to think about saying goodbye. As my mom pointed out though i will still be able to talk to her through email or the phone and if i continue to work at camp i will still see her for a couple of summer’s to come. It’s definitely better than nothing and although it hurts me to know i won’t be able to come home and see her, i have to look at the bigger picture: The world does not revolve around me! She will be helping more people, and best of all she will be so close to her family which is awesome.
For now i have the rest of this week helping her at Villa and then summer camp for five weeks before i have to say goodbye for an entire year. That’s going to be really hard but i have to trust in God. As Amanda said it’s going to be ok, and i know it will.
Jeremiah 29:11
“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
